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It’s Not Easy But For Me It’s Time For Me To Move On

You showed me what real love felt like. The connection between us was so deep and strong.

By Riley Cooper

I could hear your silent thoughts, your deepest feelings. We weren’t just two people loving each other – we were ONE.

Who would have thought that all this would end? We believed our relationship was stronger than anything in the world. We believed we’d be together forever.

I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were everything I ever wanted and needed.

We envisioned our future together. We imagined the house we’d live in and talked about how we were going to name our kids. And we imagined our home where we’d grow old together. Our perfect home.

We knew everything about each other.

I knew all your insecurities and fears and you knew mine. But we weren’t afraid of them because we knew we had each other. When you felt sad or was going through rough times, I stayed by your side and tried to ease your pain. I felt as if we lived in a world where there were no other people but you and I. You turned my life into a magic. A dream.

But, all good things come to an end. Something happened and made me wake up from that dream. The strong connection that we felt before magically disappeared. The meaningful, inspirational, fun conversations we used to have turned into empty talks. It seemed as we’d exhausted all topics for discussion. We stopped talking about us and the things we wanted to achieve together.

I knew that things weren’t like they used to be, but I still didn’t want to give up on you. I tried to convince myself, that this was only a tough period that we’d overcome just like we handled many other problems before. So I hoped that things would get better.

But, apparently, you and I weren’t on the same side. You stopped paying attention to me. I could no longer see the glow that appeared in your eyes when you looked at me. You started neglecting my feelings and needs. So you never cared to ask me how my day went.And you lost interest in me.

You gradually distanced yourself from me.

You chose your worries and problems over me. Whenever I asked you if you needed any help or told you that you could always rely on me, you’d fly off the handle. You’d tell me how clingy and boring I was. And all I wanted was to see you happy.

From this perspective, it seems that you didn’t care about it. The love and attention I gave to you so unselfishly didn’t matter to you any longer. I showed you compassion and respect, but you didn’t appreciate it either.

I remember the last conversation we had. You told me you loved me. And for the first time, I didn’t tell you the same. You don’t have to be the smartest person on the planet to know that you don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t break someone’s heart and then tell them to love.But you don’t break someone’s soul and then tell them to be happy.

From being your top priority I became your second choice.

An option. Oftentimes, you’d say things to me that made me feel unworthy of your love. I felt that nothing I did was ever good enough.

And although you hurt me many times, I still stayed with you. I tried hard to make things work between us because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. When you got angry or blamed me for things that weren’t my fault, I’d tell myself:”Be patient. He’s not a bad man. Probably his work is stressing him out or he’s just having a bad day.” It sounds naïve, I know. But it was easier for me to come up with a myriad of excuses for your behavior than to accept the harsh truth. The truth that our relationship was over.

And while trying to save our relationship I lost a track of myself. I forgot what I really needed and wanted. I forgot what my priorities and goals were. So I failed to see that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way you treated me.

I didn’t deserve your reserved feelings for me. I didn’t deserve your reproaches and insults. It wasn’t my fault that you had many insecurities and your own demons to fight.

I tried hard to save our relationship, but I realized that there was nothing left I could fight for. I know it’s hard to let go of the one you love the most but sometimes that’s the most reasonable thing you can do.

You were a part of me.

I admit I was afraid to leave you before because I wasn’t able to imagine my life without you.  You were my reality, so how was I supposed to move on without you?

But no one can find out what’s on the other side of the edge unless they go there and see that themselves. I had to save myself from a relationship that was dragging me down with each new day.

However, I want you to know that I don’t hate you. I don’t hold a grudge against you. The way you behaved towards me scarred me deeply. But, time is gradually healing my wounds. With each new day, I get better and better.

I know it hurts a lot, but it’s time to walk away and move on. It’s time for me to find someone who will give me the same amount of love and respect I so unselfishly give. Someone who will accept me for who I am without trying to change me. Someone who won’t give up on me as you did.

I wish you the same.

 

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