Did you know that loyalty is the most important thing in your relationship? If there’s no respect and trust between two people, the relationship will be ruined after a short time.
But sometimes, your fate belong to a person that has only lies and mistakes for you.
Even if you are tolerant and forgive your partner for several times, suddenly comes the day when you lose your patience.
To avoid this day, scroll down to see some effective ways to handle infidelity in your relationship.
How To Handle Disloyalty In Your Relationship?
1. Make Sure That You Are Away From Problems
Infidelity doesn’t show up in relationships out of anywhere – not usually. Sometimes we can pinpoint it to someone’s poor personality and lack of respect for their partner, but that isn’t always the case. When infidelity occurs, a key reason is that there is something wrong in the relationship.
“… If there is a sincere change in behavior, and if the problems that led to the infidelity are addressed and corrected, and both parties approach the problem with a sincere wish to discover what went wrong and fix it, then forgiveness is an important part of the healing process, whether the couple stay married or not,” says psychotherapist and author Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
Taking the time to identify what these problems are will mean that the couple will be able to move forward with healing, rather than just wallowing in the pain and guilt of the infidelity. Both partners need to be willing to listen about what the problems and difficulties are.
“I’ve talked with plenty of people who say with pride that they never talked about the affair. That’s not healing. You need to reach the point where you can talk about it without pain. If you never, ever discuss it, you cannot recover,” adds author Peggy Vaughan.
2. Spend Time Together Talking About Painful Topics
Shutting your partner out is a snap decision for many people struggling with a partner who committed adultery in the relationship. In order to deal with an infidelity with maturity, not allowing yourself to give into the instinct of shutting your partner out is important. Both partners need to be given the opportunity to speak and connect with one another, which includes the partner who sought out the extramarital affair. In order to do this, you need to be able to spend time together talking about both painful topics, as well as spending time without discussing them as well.
“If you’re serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly…. It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong…. it’s the only way to repair the damage done. Be willing to make the changes that will fix them,” adds Dr. Tessina.
3. Act In A Mature Way And Accept Responsibility
As the offending partner, accepting responsibility is paramount to being able to move forward in the relationship after an affair. The person who had the affair is both responsible for their choices as well as their behavior. Trying to point fingers and say that there’s something in the relation that “made” them become unfaithful is not going to help move past it, nor is that dealing with it in a mature fashion.
“The wounded partner will feel the stirrings of new faith only after multiple proofs of trustworthiness. Atonement cannot occur if the cheater insists that the victim take partial blame for the affair,” says Dr. John Gottman in his book titled ‘What Makes Love Last?’
The only way to deal with infidelity in a mature way is to accept responsibility for the things that you have done.
“Forgiving each other doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness,” concludes Dr. Tessina.
4. Don’t Let Your Partner Have Any Contact With The Third Person
This is important if the end goal is to reconcile the original relationship. The offending partner should not be continuing to have contact with the person that they had an affair with. To begin rebuilding trust, this is the first and foremost rule. Not only this, but the offending partner must be willing to tell their partner where they are going, so as to help rebuild the trust that was broken by the affair.
Accepting that the trust was once broken and now needs to be rebuilt is important in moving the relationship forward.